Joke of the Day

[Sharpienads]

[Bailey Guns]

Dave probably just felt a disturbance in the force!

[cstone]

The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope Mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. A helpless democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a 'Vote for Obama' hat and a 'Save the Trees' T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically and thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly.

As the Pope watched in horror, a group of republican loggers with 'Go Sarah' T-Shirts came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum into the bear's chest.. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured democrat in the back seat.

As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. 'I give you my blessing for your brave actions!' he told them. 'I heard there was a bitter hatred between republican loggers and democratic environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true.'

As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies 'Who was that guy?'
'It was the Pope,' another replied. 'He's in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom.'

'Well,' the logger said, 'he may have access to all wisdom, but he doesn't know squat about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait still alive, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?

[StagLefty]

Employee: Excuse me sir, may I talk to you ???

Boss: Sure, come on in. What can I do for you ???

Employee: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years.

Boss: Yes.



Employee: I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first.

Boss: A raise ??? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time.

Employee: I understand your position, and I know that the current economic down turn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro- activeness and loyalty to this company for over a decade.

Boss: Taking into account these factors, and considering I don't want to start a brain drain, I'm willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time. How does that sound ???

Employee: Great !!! It's a deal !!! Thank you, sir !!!

Boss: Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies were after you ???

Employee: Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company and the Mortgage Company !!!

[ronaldrwl]

Good one StagLefty

[opie011]

George Bush and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barber shop.As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation,for fear it would turn to politics.As the barbers finished their shaves,the one who had Obama in his chair reached for the aftershave. Obama was quick to stop him saying,No thanks,my wife Michelle will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse.The second barber turned to Bush and said,How about you sir ? Bush replied,Go ahead,my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.

[mcantar18c]

On the recent earthquake in DC....

That wasn't an earthquake. It was our Founders rolling over.
It was the CHANGE hitting the fan.
Since this East Coast fault line has no name, we're gonna call it Bush's Fault.

[10mm-man]

From my son, (Dad put this on the forum):

How do you make a tissue dance???






















Put a little boogie in it..........

[JohnTRourke]

There was a bit of confusion at the Ace Hardware this morning.

When I was ready to pay for my purchases of gun powder and bullets,
the cashier said to me, "Strip down, facing me."

Making a mental note to complain to our local newspaper about the gun registry people running amok, I did just as she had instructed.

When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided,
I found out that she was telling me how to run my credit card through the reader!

I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.

They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little clearer!

[bellavite1]

> Awesome Lists&Funny&HUMOR/SATIRE&Yeah Flashback > The 15 Funniest Amazon Reviews of 2013! The 15 Funniest Amazon Reviews of 2013!

Posted by Georgie on December 30, 2013
Thanks to the internet, you can have total strangers give you a “heads up” on whether or not a product is worthy of a purchase. Thanks to Amazon.com, you can have total strangers (who clearly have way too much time on their hands) make you laugh hysterically…