Joke of the Day

[davsel]

[davsel]

An Irishman an Englishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar in Sydney.

The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, and the food exceptional.

“But” said the Scotsman. “I still prefer the pubs back home. Why in Glasgow there’s a little bar called McTavish’s. Now the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy 4 drinks he will buy the 5th drink for you.”

“Well.” said the Englishman “At my local, the Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your 3rd drink after you buy the first 2.”

“Ahhh that’s nothin’” said the Irishman “Back home in Dublin there’s Ryan’s Bar. Now the moment you set foot in the place they’ll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like.Then when you’ve had enough drink they’ll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house.”

The Englishman and Scotsman immediately pour scorn on the Irishman’s claims.

He swears every word is true.

“Well” said the Englishman “Did this actually happen to you?”

“Not myself personally no” said the Irishman, “But it did happen to my sister.”

[Zach O]

SOME WORDS OF TRUTH:
Jeff Foxworthy on Muslims -


1. If you refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor, You may be a Muslim.
2. If you own a $3,000 machine gun and a $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes, You may be a Muslim.
3. If you have more wives than teeth, You may be a Muslim.
4. If you wipe your bottom with your bare hand but consider bacon to be unclean,
You may be a Muslim.
5. If you think vests come in two styles: Bullet-proof and suicide.
You may be a Muslim
6. If you can't think of anyone you haven't declared jihad against,
You may be a Muslim.
7. If you consider television dangerous but routinely carry explosives in your clothing,
You may be a Muslim.
8. If you were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs, You may be a Muslim.
9. If you have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four,
You may be a Muslim.
10. If you find this offensive and don't forward it,
You may be a Muslim.

[BladesNBarrels]

I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch.
I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the center.
The local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I've never felt safer and I am saving $49.95 a month.

[SuperiorDG]

[GilpinGuy]

A duck was about to cross the road, and a chicken came running up to him saying, "Don't do it man, you'll never hear the end of it!"

[henpecked]

I was walking through the mall , and went into a Muslim Bookshop.



The clerk asked if he could help me, so I asked for a copy of the Australian Immigration Policy Book.



The Muslim Clerk said "Fuck Off, Get out, And Stay Out".



I said, "Yes, that's the one".

[Drucker]

My Dad asked me last night why I
carry my 1911 in the house, what am I
afraid of? I looked him straight in the
eye and said, "The Goddamn
Decepticons." He laughed, I laughed,
the toaster laughed, I shot the toaster.
It was a good time.

[GilpinGuy]

FINANCIAL PLANNING IN THESE PRESSING TIMES

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, "But in just a few years my father will die and I will inherit $200 million".

Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and a week later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

[BladesNBarrels]

A new sign at Wal-Mart


Our society is doomed..............