Joke of the Day

[GilpinGuy]

A lady goes to see her "female" doctor one day for a routine check up.

The doc does his thing and says, "Well, ma'am, you're totally healthy. But I have to tell you, that is the biggest snatch I have ever seen!"

Since the lady never actually saw her own "snatch" she was a bit confused.

When she got home she took a mirror off of the wall and put it on the ground so she could stand over it and take a look.

While doing this, her husband walked in the room and exclaimed, "What the hell are you doing?"

She said, "Ohh, umm, I'm trying this new aerobics workout...."

Husband replies, "Fine, just make sure you don't fall into that giant hole in the floor."

[JohnTRourke]

There was a bit of confusion at the Ace Hardware this morning.

When I was ready to pay for my purchases of gun powder and bullets,
the cashier said to me, "Strip down, facing me."

Making a mental note to complain to our local newspaper about the gun registry people running amok, I did just as she had instructed.

When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided,
I found out that she was telling me how to run my credit card through the reader!

I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.

They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little clearer!

[GilpinGuy]

Another good reason for large magazines:

A man walked into his crowded local bar, waved a revolver around and yelled,

"Who in here has been screwing my wife?"

A voice from the back of the bar yelled back,

"You're gonna need more ammo!"

[GilpinGuy]

A guy at one end of the bar says, "All lawyers are asshoels!!"

The guy at the other end of the bar says, "Sir, I take great offense to that remark."

First guy asks, "Are you a lawyer?"

Second guy replies, "No, I'm an asshole."

[Ronin13]

I saw this guy sniffing the floor earlier and was intrigued to know why he was doing it.
"Excuse me sir, why are you sniffing the floor?" I asked.
"Fuck off!" He said sharply.
"That's a bit rude" I replied "I only wanted to know why you were sniffing the floor."
About that time is when I was thrown out of the Mosque...

[Ronin13]

What does Al Pacino call his morning cup of coffee?











Ca-Pacino!

Yuk yuk yuk!

[GilpinGuy]

It isbecoming a very scary world out there.AnotherFamous American converts to Islam...

It wasannounced today that Buckwheat of“Our Gang” (1950s) fame, has converted to the Muslim faith and changed his nameto: Kareem of Wheat...

I justhope he doesn't become a cereal killer!

[Ripper]

One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag or bitch.

But, it was a long time ago, and it was just that one day.

The End

[ChunkyMonkey]

^ lol

[Ripper]

A son asked his mother the following question:

' Mom, why are wedding dresses white? ' The mother looks at her son and replies:

' Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'

The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.

' Dad why are wedding dresses white? '
The father looks at his son in surprise and says:

'Son, all household appliances come in white.'

The husband is still in intensive care and the prognosis is not good!!!