Joke of the Day

[copfish]

American History Review circa 2020:
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said: 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Akio, a bright foreign exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up: "Patrick Henry, 1775," he said. "Very good!

Who said: 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth'?" Again, no response except from Little Akio: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863." "Excellent!" said the teacher continuing.

"Let's try one a bit more difficult. Who said, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country?" Once again, Akio's was the only hand in the air and he said: "John F. Kennedy, 1961."

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves. Little Akio isn't from this country and he knows more about our history than you do."
She heard a loud whisper: "F___ the Japs." "Who said that? I want to know right now!" ...she angrily demanded. Little Akio put his hand up, "General MacArthur, 1945."

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glares around and asks, "All right! Now who said that?" Again, Little Akio says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"

Little Akio jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, "You little shit! If you say anything else, I'll kill you!"

Little Akio frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Michael Jackson to the children testifying against him, 2004."

The teacher fainted. As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're screwed!"

Little Akio said quietly, "The American public if Joe Biden gets elected."

[BladesNBarrels]

Memory Test



1) Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name?

2) There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?

3) Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

4) How much dirt is there in a hole... that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

5) What word in the English Language... is always spelled incorrectly?

6) Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?

7) In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?

8) What was the President's Name...in 1975?

9) If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

10) Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?

11) If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in a third field?

[BladesNBarrels]