An invisible man married an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at either.

I took my new girlfriend out on our first date to the ice rink, and
entry was half price. She called me a cheap skate.

Studies show cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them.
It’s a case of in one ear and out the udder.

I used to date a girl with one leg who worked at a brewery. She was in
charge of the hops.

My wife claims I’m the cheapest person she’s ever met. I’m not buying it.

Did you know that a raven has 17 rigid feathers called pinions, while
a crow only has 16.
The difference between a raven and a crow is just a matter of a pinion.

I told my carpenter I didn’t want carpeted steps. He gave me a blank stair.

What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his
own incision?
Suture self.