Joke of the Day

[StagLefty]

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 AM and is asked where
he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, “I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the
effects it has on the human body, the problems it causes in a
marriage, and other long term effects of drinking.”

The officer then asks, “Really? Who is giving that kind of lecture at
this time of night?”

The man replies, “My wife.”

[10x]

I like the one above.

[10x]

The Devil and St. Peter met at the fence separating Heaven and Hell and once again it was broken down.
St. Peter: Devil the fence is broken and your people are slipping into Heaven. It is your turn to fix the fence.
Devil: No it isn't and I refuse to fix the fence.
St. Peter: We have this argument all the time, I've had it, I am going to sue.
Devil: Oh yea! Where are you going to find a lawyer.

[MuzzleFlash]

[opie011]

A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United  
      States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and 
      says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me into this country, giving 
      me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and a free education!" 
   
      The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am a Mexican.." 
   
      The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for having 
      such a beautiful country here in America."  
      The person says, "I not American, I Vietnamese." 
   
      The new arrival walks farther, and the next person he sees he stops, 
      shakes his hand, and says, "Thank you for wonderful America!"  
      That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East. I am 
      not American." 
   
      He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an American?"  
      She says, "No, I am from Africa." 
      Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?" 
      The African lady checks her watch and says, "Probably at work."

[patrick0685]

A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United
States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and
says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me into this country, giving
me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and a free education!"

The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am a Mexican.."

The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for having
such a beautiful country here in America."
The person says, "I not American, I Vietnamese."

The new arrival walks farther, and the next person he sees he stops,
shakes his hand, and says, "Thank you for wonderful America!"
That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East. I am
not American."

He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an American?"
She says, "No, I am from Africa."
Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"
The African lady checks her watch and says, "Probably at work."

it would be funnier if it werent so true