speaking of cops....

[7idl]

a little humor:

WHO SAYS THAT COPS DON'T HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR?



"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out
after you wear them awhile."

"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a
worthless document."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will
help. Oh .... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to
ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
oven."

"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

"Just how big were those two beers?"

"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now
we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours.
At least you know someone who can post your bail."

"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.
Sign here."

:mrgreen:

[Bumblebee Bob]

Honest Occifer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am! [clown]

[Colorado Osprey]

Honest Occifer, I'm not as think as you drunk I am! [clown]

Take me drunk.....I'm home


How about these:
While still sitting in the car alone after being pulled over,"But officer, it wasn't me, I wasn't driving."

I couldn't be drunk, I've been drinking for 6 days and I haven't had a buzz for 3 days.

No officer, I don't want to risk drinking and driving because if I got in a wreck my boss would know I was driving his car.

The reason I ran was because I thought you saw the trash I threw out the window and I didn't want to get that $1000 fine for littering.

I'm sorry Officer, I didn't see the red light...my eyes were closed.
WHY WERE YOUR EYES CLOSED
My neighbor here was just finishing a BJ.....it's hard to keep your eyes open when it ends.(EDITED FOR CONTENT)

[Richard K]

"You're a personal friend of the Chief? I'm having dinner with him tonight, I'll tell him you said hello. Sign here, press hard, five copies."

"Your taxes pay my salary? I pay taxes too, guess that makes me self employed. Press hard, five copies"

"Your taxes pay my salary? Stop paying them and see how long it takes to to get laid off. Press hard, five copies"

"They let you do that in New Mexico? Guess you should have done it there then. Press hard, five copies"

"You'll have my job for this? Getting kind of tired of it anyway, press hard five copies"

"You're from out of state? What does a red light/stop sign mean in your state? Press hard, five copies"

[Ernie Mazza]

I used to love the excuses I heard.
Like
I don't know what happened i was trying to get the last beer out of the twelve pack and that tree jumped out in front of me!!

Don't you have any softer handcuffs? No I left my fur lined ones at home. (I know a female officer who used that a lot.)

"I know the the chief". "So do I sir, you want me to tell him hi for you in the morning?"" No wait you can stick your head in and say hi yourself when we let you out"

It's ok we are married.
(you had to be there)